She was worth the move home

I get asked all the time if I miss living in New York City and if it was worth it to move back home. New York City was magical and amazing. And I miss working with the caliber of people I had encountered at Parsons and in the fashion industry. But life isn't about being stationery, and my time there was coming to a close. If Blake Emery had not made her debut on June 29, 2009 I may have stuck it out for a few more years, but my heart belongs in the desert of Arizona. And now that I am home I am completely and utterly happy with my decision. To miss one moment of this little tyke growing up would be heart breaking. I adore my niece, my sister and the friends I have here. Both my parents are gone, so it is important for me to be near the people who are left in my life.

There will be moments of wishing I could run to a certain vendor in the fabric district, eat at a certain cafe or visit with certain NYC friends. But overall it isn't enough to be miles away from the life that I had built here before I headed off to Parsons.

So to New York City, you are incredible, you gave me the confidence to realize I can accomplish anything I have set my heart on -- because I checked off several huge goals just by living there, graduating from Parsons and getting into Henri Bendel. And to Blake Emery I would do just about anything for you. You are loved, adored and I am honored to be able to watch this incredible process of watching a little baby grow up into what she will grow up into....

PS. That is Mia Jordan in the picture. Erika's precious baby and one of Blake's BEST friends :-)

I Dare You...

I was with Bob Wilkinson at La Grande Orange last week and we started flipping through books while we ate lunch. I flipped through the book "Think Big" which is made up entirely of quotes regarding creativity, inspiration, going after your ideas and dreams while being movtivated to think outside the box. The book of course resonated with me and I bought it.

I always look back over the year{s} on the eve of my birthday. I can remember doing it all the way back to when I was a little girl. So much has changed in the course of _X__ years, wait I am not going to tell you how many candles I will be blowing out tomorrow ;-) but the point is that, as I reflect over my life, there is a lot to take in and a lot to think about.

This quote from "Think Big" struck me as the perfect birthday-eve quote "I dare you to, while there is still time, to have a magnificent obsession" -- William Danforth. Birthdays prove to us that the years are fleeting and time stops FOR NO ONE. We have one shot at this life and we can dilly-dally, waste our time and energy, or we can go forth and do SOMETHING really magnificent.

And whatever that "Magnificent Obsession" is, is up to you. We all have different goals, dreams and purposes. And the race is truly only against the amount of time we are given.

This is the tenth birthday that I am not getting to celebrate with my parents. Of course, it makes me incredilby sad, and they are on my mind all the time -- for some reason they have been in my dreams every night this week! But I refuse to sulk and wallow in their accident. They are gone, but I am not. I was given more time and now I am going to go out and do something with my "Magnificent Obsession" -- what will you do with yours?

All That I Am After

"All that I am After" by Daughtry came on Pandora , and the line "All that I am after is a life full of laughter as long as I am laughing with you. " I love that! Life is short, I know that unfortunately first hand. Things change in a nano-second! My family was driving home from Tucson, my mother turned around to ask my sister where we wanted to vacation and a split second later the tires blow out on my dad's SUV. The car flipped over and seconds later my mother was dead and my dad died six hours later in the operating room. My sister and I literally crawled out of the upside-down car practically unscathed as we watched in horror as my dad screamed for help being pinned inside and needing the jaws of life to unleash him.

My parent's car accident is constantly putting life in perspective: Soak up all the precious moments, appreciate the good, learn to cut ties with the bad, pursue your dreams and don't think you have forever, because we don't. Seek quality over quantity and remember you are only responsible for you, you can't control other people's actions or feelings.

Furthermore it is making me realize what is most important and what brings me the utmost joy and happiness. If I had to list it would be the following:

This is all that I am after...

1. Laughing hysterically with my friends. The moments where our sides hurt and we are doubled-over in pain barely able to squeak out the next word
2. Being so inspired it makes me want to go out and create my own masterpiece
3. Design, Architecture, Art and Fashion, especially when all four collide
4. Being with the ones I have chosen as my favorites. Learning it is more than okay to walk away from the past and THOSE that no longer have a place in your life due to growing up and moving forward
5. Traveling to new places to explore and see more of this wonderful playground called Earth
   
6. Watching my niece Blake Emery giggle and play. Watching my sister be the most amazing mother to this incredible little person.
   
7. Being a source of light and inspiration to others

That's my list, if I can live that life...I'll be happy...

Bleeding Love

2010 has been a bit of a rocky year. And it doesn't help that in one month it will be ten years since my family was in a roll-over accident and both my parents were killed. I often laugh and think, "Well, if I survived ten years and got through all the emotional turmoil that comes with watching your parents bleed to death on the side of the road, I can handle almost anything." And I guess God says "Yes, you can, here are some more trials to work through and grow from!!!" You can't become "gold" unless you walk through the fire, but it would be nice if there was a drama-draught for once!

However, in the end I am determined to rise above it all, the cattiness, the hurt, the pain, the friends who have proven their true colors and are now no longer a part of my circle, the sickness, the stress of trying to make it as a designer and business owner. A lot has been thrown my way, but I shouldn't complain because my life is still amazing and I don't believe in whining and sulking in self-pity.

Last Saturday, I went with one of my best friends, Kealey, to feed the homeless downtown. It was a tremendously rewarding experience. To serve and give back to those who have nothing, really opens your eyes to the fact that no matter how much I have lost, I still am incredibly blessed and I still have a tremendous amount to be thankful for. These people have NOTHING, and they were the most gracious and kind individuals merely because we gave them some hot food.

It's hard because I get extremely annoyed at those who don't rise above and live life with morals, integrity and kindness but in the end I am going to be the bigger person and continue to bleed love....

In the words of one of my favorite singers of the moment, Leona Lewis:

"Bleeding Love"

Closed off from love
I didn't need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you're frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground
Found something true
And everyone's looking round
Thinking I'm going crazy

But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing's greater than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I'm going crazy, maybe, maybe

But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

And it's draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I'll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see

I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love

Connections

I am total people-person and on my Meyers Briggs test I am a solid "E" for extrovert. Over the years however, I have seen friends go, I have left friends go, and I have learned that sometimes people will only make a brief appearance in your life and they were only meant to be there for a season.

It's okay to walk away from a relationship that is no longer healthy or beneficial, we were probably meant to learn from that situation and then go onto other bigger and better things. Whenever I have let go of the toxic, the negative, or the frustrating, I am blessed ten-fold by even more amazing friends and people.

It has not always been easy for me. I have had things happen to me where I was completely and utterly frustrated by another person's actions. The quality of our life is directly effected by the people we surround ourselves with, the projects we tackle, the books we read, and where we focus our energy. You can't grow and become great if all your energy is consumed by bad relationships and negative energy. You need people who are going to inspire you to be better, to strive for more, and to encourage you to move forward vs. just being stagnant & existing.

The bottom line is that people are what matter the most in this very short stint we have on earth. But their role may be for only one scene in your play. Sometimes they will make an appearance, an impression, or link up beside you for the long haul.

I am thankful for all the amazing, wonderful people currently in my life. And I look back behind me and I smile from all that I have learned, there were times friends have totally drained me, and at other times they have made my blood boil, but I have grown from those situations and it has made me 1000x more thankful for the good and the wonderful that are currently in my life!!!!!

Sometimes you have to say "Goodbye" in order to say "Hello" to the truly spectacular.